clear the calendar

for those of you planning parties and events on aug 21, i offer a preemptive apology for my absence.

the boss is gonna be playing at the sommet center and, even if i have to sell an organ or be exploited sexually, i’ll be there.

best news all month.

truffle shuffle – bring the beat back mix

i need a shuffle today. not just on the ipod, but in general.

my attitude sucks. my body just won’t seem to cooperate with my brain, and i feel less healthy than i’ve felt in years. my weight’s up to 220 (holy shit!), and it kinda freaks me out. actually, not kinda. it freaks me out. i’ve strayed from my operational plan for the gym – not in a bad way necessarily – and am sorta just winging it right now. real smart, newton.

stuff on the home front isn’t so awesome either. as you can imagine, working a part time job while you own & run a business takes up lots of time – time that would normally be spent either working around the house, with bwe, and figuring out how to make me healthy. (an aside: i still haven’t smoked since that one episode. hooray me.)

i want to hit the reset button on my attitude and disposition, but i never seem to have time to stop to check in with myself (something my counselor would say) to get it done. so that’s where i am. where are you?

the shuffle awaits…

1.dear doctor – the rolling stones (beggars banquet) now that’s just perfect…
2. cold crush – cold crush brothers (troopers)
3. the blue nun – beastie boys (check your head) check your head. that’s hilarious.
4. hey yo – oojami (boom shinga ling)
5. lighten up – beastie boys (check your head)
6. are you a hypnotist – the flaming lips (yoshimi…) this is getting pretty funny.
7. roc boys – jay-z (american gangster) “i wish you 100 years of success, but its my time.”
8. the crooked beat – the clash (sandinista!)
9. fight test – the flaming lips (yoshimi) “i thought i was smart, i thought i was right…”
10. the leader – the clash (sandinista!) “the people must have something good to eat on a sunday”

now that’s a good list. i feel a little bit better. don’t you?

glorious failure

i had a cigarette on monday. day 21. i won’t go into all the details as to why, but it boils down to just wanting a cigarette and not really caring that it was messing up the streak.

it sucked. actually, they both sucked.

now that you’re done laughing at the guy who smoked one cigarette, didn’t enjoy it, and decided that he should have a second one…

i knew the first one would be garbage. i thought the second one would be good since i’d already done some preliminary pollution work.

wrong-o. i didn’t get a buzz, i didn’t feel relaxed, all i felt was foolish and guilty (i know. stupid enough to smoke two).

the next morning (tuesday) i fessed up to bwe, who told me she was disappointed, but that i shouldn’t expect to be perfect and today was a brand new day. that’s exactly what i needed to hear. (as an aside: i need to offer myself the same grace, forgiveness and understanding that i offer to almost everyone else. discuss.)

so now its thursday and i haven’t wanted to get even remotely close to the working end of a cigarette. if in three weeks i decide i “need” to smoke, i can smoke. resourceful and budget concious wife that she is, bwe kept four smokes from the pack i gave her, just in case i couldn’t resist the urge i wouldn’t have to waste $6 on a new pack. notice that SHE kept them. she didn’t give them to me to keep. so i can smoke, but i have to ask for permission.

its strangely liberating to go back to your crutch, realize you don’t need it, and that it was sort’ve uncomfortable anyway, and walk away from it.

(bonus points to anyone who can tell me all the instances in the above text where i spliced commas.)

gone, forgotten.

i’ve been doing so incredibly well in my new role as a non-smoker, that i’ve totally forgotten to put any updates on this here blog.

it’s been something like 17 days as of bed time tonite! 4 more and i’ve apparently gotten over the big hump for long term success.

so, in anticipation of staying on the wagon until at least next tuesday, i think i’ll do a truffle shuffle. let’s see what the ipod has to say…

1. .38.45 – theivery corporation (sounds from the theivery hi-fi)
2. the same thing – pete yorn (nightcrawler)
3. 1974 – ryan adams (rock’n'roll)
4. wild cats of kilkenny – pogues (rum, sodomoy and the lash)
5. tempest – vigilantes of love (v.o.l.)
6. peter piper – run dmc (greatest hits)
7. that’s right (you’re not from texas) – lyle lovett (live in texas)
8. my life is in storage – frank black (honeycomb)
9. senior service – elvis costello & the attractions (armed forces)
10. virginia avenue – tom waits (closing time)

other than a bunch of songs from a bunch of smokers, nothing jumps out. i guess the ol’ ipod is out of practice…

happy thursday. rip bobby kennedy…