still fighting it

well, last nite could’ve gone better on the smoking for lent front. that is to say, i caved and had cigarettes last nite.

i was physically & emotionally spent after a kick in the balls kind of day and frankly didn’t have it in me to fight the urge to smoke. i wanted to have my cigarettes, drink my drink, brush my teeth and fall asleep without thinking i’d skipped a step. i’m really committed and really trying, but…

so, can someone who’s participated in lent before tell me if i’ve totally screwed it up big time? my experience with and my understanding of spiritual disciplines is that it’s more about the journey, effort & struggle, and the realization of the need for God’s strength, grace & forgiveness that is realized than the discipline/perfection actually being attained.

oh, the fun we’ll have…

up in smoke

i’m not catholic, but i appreciate the practice of lent and have decided for the first year that i will participate. i decided i’d jump in with both feet – no giving up something easy for me – and decided that this year for lent i was giving up smoking.

i started a day late (didn’t realize it was fat tuesday/lent due to being sick), because i thought i deserved, yes deserved, a fat tuesday if i was going to give up smoking for lent. keep in mind that i only smoke 2 cigarettes a day, before bed with a nitecap while i read the news on my phone. still, and the wife hates it when i say this, smoking is one of my favorite activities. maybe it’s because i feel like a combination of john mellencamp, ryan adams, humphrey bogart, cary grant and james dean when i smoke. maybe it’s because it’s 15 minutes or so that i get all to myself to unwind and decompress. maybe it’s that i actually like the flavor (most of the time) and the smell (most of the time). who knows? all i know is that i’ve tried, unsuccessfully to give up those 2 God forsaken cigarettes before and have never made it more than 7 days. i figured, what better way to give up smoking than to involve God & Jesus in the process? nevermind that, the way i see it, i’ve been letting them down for going on 10 odd years. it’s a sacrifice, NOT quitting smoking…work with me people.

so, i made it through the long weekend in the city. i would’ve punched a homeless woman in the teeth for a smoke on saturday nite, but i made it through, probably because i fell asleep before i could put my pants back on and go across the street to duane reed and by a pack. sunday? i didn’t do so good. i had my two cigarettes and a glass of soco on ice after bwe was fast asleep and i had been, unsuccessfully, to finish either of 2 new songs.

last nite? easy breezy lemon squeezy. tonite? it’s gonna be a snap, i can feel it.

4 days (out of 5) down, 35 to go…

back in the swing…

i promise that i’m back and that i’ll post more over the next few weeks than i have been lately. honestly, i’m still mentally dealing with alot of the crap from around christmas (anxiety attacks, heart/health, etc) and haven’t had a whole lot to offer in the way of creative writing – musical or otherwise.

bwe just got back from nyc and, while we didn’t get to visit strawberry fields, we got to visit some other really cool places that i’ll tell you about. i also have some climbing video reviews, a couple of album reviews, some new lyrics/music that i’m hellbent on getting out to you fine people after this weekend. i might even pontificate on my new favo-rite tv show, the black donellys.

for now, i gotta get the man off my ass and sell something. never gonna be nothin’ unless you do somethin’…

(oh, stella, thanks for your concern…be warned that while i might have faded just a bit, it’s mostly just to get my energy back up. i’m actually getting ready to hit yer fella up with an idea…)

and the best way to follow up a week with the flu is…

a few days of good ol’ bronchitis!

someone shoot me, please.

a good week lost

i had the flu last week. all of last week. it sucked.

discuss.

an open letter to bwe

seven years ago today, at roughly 10 after 1, i married the most wonderful, heartfelt, compassionate, beautiful, sexy & funny woman on the face of the earth.

i would never have thought that i could be so lucky: to find someone to love this deeply, who would love me just as deeply, who would take joy in my successes, share my burdens when i struggle, care for my feelings as though they were her own. i could never imagine being so trusted, so wanted.

every day that i get to spend time with you is my new best day ever. if given the chance, i would declare my love for you from the tallest building, with the sweetest song, with skywriting planes & marching bands. today would be a national day of celebration. children would tell each other the wonderful story of the boy & girl who met on a sunday afternoon, fell in love that nite, and spent the rest of their lives hand in hand, enjoying every adventure that came their way.

we make a good team, you & me. i look forward to the adventures that this year brings our way.

i love you.

-n

2 seconds…

last nite was my first run since injuring my knee last week (it’s actually not my knee, it’s my iliotibial band, but that’s another story). i was apprehensive about reinjuring/reaggravating things, but figured that 9 days off should be enough to give it a test drive. good thing i did…

i felt good last nite, and ran my fastest mile time that i’ve run in a loooong time. i’m sure part of the good feeling was due to an unexpected “warm” evening (yes, 45 degrees is warm when you’ve been running in the upper 20’s and lower 30’s). last nite my stride was short, light & easy, like i was riding a bike. in fact, i ran a 10′01″ pace over a 4 mile run, including my recovery walks and slow warmup run, just 2 seconds short of my goal of a sub 10′ mile for saturday’s fangtastic 5k. that 2 seconds is more significant to me than you’d think, a mental hurdle that i need to overcome to feel good about my running. it’s like buying gasoline at $2.09 instead of $2.14. you couldn’t buy a cup of coffee with the money you’d save, but dammit if you don’t feel like the frugal shopper because you saved $.86 cents. shaving 2 seconds a mile means that i’m under a 30 minute 5k pace. that’s key…

my knee hurt last nite after the run, but it’s gotten a little better this morning. i’ve discovered that the issue isn’t with my knee but rather with a tendon that runs from the outer hip to just below the knee joint called the iliotibial band. turns out that i’ve got tight i.t. bands (thanks, i work out) and that causes the tendon to rub against some other part of my knee joint. i’ve also got weak hib abductor muscles (part of the opposing muscle group). basically, i need to do lots of stretching of the outside and lots of strengthening on the inside of my hip/groin area.

long story short, i’m sore today, but i feel good because i’ve pinpointed the source of the pain and have been able to find some resources to help me alleviate the problem. woo-flippin’-hoo!